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 I'm
writing this because I know one day I'm going to want
to reflect and remember and reminisce like all other
special times in my life.
For the 3rd year in a row, Leena and I met once again.
I didn't really know what to think or feel since the
last time. So I wasn't really expecting much. I guess
you could say my spirit was broken last year. I honestly
figured it be one of those superficial "hellos" I so
did not want to happen. There was nothing I could do
but wait. Yet again.
We were going to meet at Verg's annual birthday party.
This year I was partaking and participating on a much
higher level, so I didn't know how much time I would
have between people. She got there and immediately introduced
her new boyfriend. I really did not know what to do.
I wasn't really shocked or surprise, I really didn't
want to cause any trouble. At the time I was sitting
down between BBQ Carne Asada flips. Should I have stood
up? I didn't know at the time. So I went back to my
BBQ.
 And
then she came to me. My face lit up. I was just overjoyed
and ecstatic. For the moment I was happy. Deep down
I really did miss her. I really did want things to be
right with us again. I know she's learned to let go
and forgive me for last year. I just needed some closure...
not from a keyboard... but from her face to face.
As the party grew and progressed into the monster
it was, some things got out of hand. People got wasted
and were passing out left and right. Unfortunately she
was one of the victims among others. Mid-way through
she lost it. We were in front of the DJ booth, her boyfriend
standing behind her, my girlfriend drunk standing next
to me. She started one of those speeches people do when
they're drunk or buzzed that you don't really know how
to take in. In one side she let her honest side free,
but then again she was gone and wouldn't remember a
damn thing the next day. "I still love you." I'm probably
making this a bigger deal than it should be. But its
definitely going to rot my mind.
Later on she was passed out on the couch. There was
another moment I'm making a bigger deal than it should
be. She woke up and I was sitting on the couch across
from her. She looked at me and began calling me name.
She held my hand tighter and tighter as she slowly began
to pass out again. Her boyfriend said she should hold
his hand, but she wouldn't let go. I didn't want to
let go either. But I've learned to pretend like I have.
The night ended. She wanted me to call since she
was staying in town for a couple more days. I figured
her boyfriend and all her other friends would take precedence
over time spent with me. This was the kind of mindset
I was in. We talked online again and agreed that we
would meet on Tuesday, June 27. I would pick her up
at the place she was staying in and head out for another
Charles and Leena day. Just me and her once again.
I picked her up around 11:30. I was late like usual.
Lost again like usual. I picked her up and we headed
off to our destination: The Getty Museum. The last time
we were here was 2 years ago for our photoshoot. I wanted
to take her here last year but once again, things did
not go as expected. We stopped by Wendy's for a quick
eat. She spilled some cheese on her shirt. Fought traffic
and accidents for about 2 hours, and got there around
1.
 We
talked. About everything and anything. Her boyfriend
lives down here while she lives up there and he wanted
to show and take her to a couple different places. Unfortunately,
or fortunately, I've take her to all the hotspots in
southern California. It seemed like there was a memory
in every spot. Not just for her, but for me too.
We took tons of pictures like we always do. Upon
arrival we were redirected to an off-site parking lot.
We waited for the shuttle for about an hour because
the line was long. Unfortunately we were unable to ride
the tram up to the museum. We rode up and all the "good
times" and great memories came rushing in. So much nostalgia,
like we've been doing this for years. That's what makes
spending time with her that much better. No matter how
long its been, sometime it still feels the same.
We walked around for a couple hours. Rembrandt and
all his religious works of art were on temporary display.
We visited all the places I had taken pictures of her
at. Just being the way we were we tried to recreate
some of those unforgettable poses. We even went back
to the balcony and retook that pose. At one point I
walked into the small fountain lake thinking it was
a stepping stone. So I got my feet wet. Thank God I
was wearing flipflops.
"Sometimes things don't work out the way you want
them to." I think about all the "what-ifs" that might
have happened if things had worked out. The spot. The
speech. The expression you might have had on your face
as I pop those four words of eternal bliss. Back then
there was hope, even if the answer would have been no.
At least there was that small chance it might have been
yes. Now I need to put that behind me... Perhaps there
still is a "maybe one day." But I need to move forward
with my life.
We left around 6. On the way out we saw the tram.
So I convinced her that maybe the next time you'll have
a chance to ride it would be next year. Just like little
kids we rode it down and rode it back up. Enjoying each
others company. That was still good enough for me. We
ate near UCLA at the first interview spot I had for
a job there. I was dreading the drive home. I knew there
was so much traffic on the way back and I had to get
her home at 6.
Unfortunately there was a lot of traffic. So we listened
to music all the way. There were so many songs that
only I thought I knew that she also knew about. "One
of these days, I won't be afraid of staying with you."
There isn't much more for me to say other than I really
do enjoy all these little things you've done for me.
There's nothing left to do other than wait and see what
happens next year.
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