|
 And
my birthday finally comes to an end. I think I'm the
only person in the world that has a birthday that last
for 2 weeks. I topped it off with a couple parties and
spent my actual birthday with the only person I wanted
to spend it with... Lisa
 .
Of course you all know me... Mr. Picture-happy, so
I got tons of pix. She's prolly gonna get mad at me
for posting up some pix, but it's not like I have anything
left to lose. We started off the day at Pirates of the
Caribbean, something that has become somewhat a traditional
ritual whenever I go. Then it was off to the Haunted
House which was closed for the second time in a row!
After that I didn't care what ride we went on. In fact
I didn't even care what we did, all I wanted was to
spend some time with her. Cause I have this feeling
this might be one of the last time I get to see her
for a very long time. Don't ask me why, maybe its best
for me.
 Me
and her got some matching Stitch dolls. I thought that
it be best to buy something that we had bought each
other on our first date. If you peeps haven't already
noticed, I only take the most special people with me
to Disneyland. Its the one place that matches my persona.
All my feelings for her were the same. It was the
same as the first time I saw her. I just love her personality
so much and the way she acts and I always have so much
fun with her. I can find myself staring at her for hours,
looking into her beautiful eyes and falling in a deep
trance wishing that moment would never end.
I know there's nothing there, but there's a part
of me that has a hard time letting go. I pretend like
I'm ok and that everything's just fine, but I know it's
not. But that's how my life is. I have to entertain
you all and be such an "inspiration" to everyone that
sometimes I don't get a moments peace to express what
I'm truly feeling.
I was the one being selfish. I wanted my life to
be so perfect that it didn't matter if hers wasn't.
I would have had it all. All the things that we strive
to achieve in a lifetime... all at the age of 22. I
still envy all those that have found their special someone.
All those that are fortunate enough to celebrate their
50th anniversary with that one person they were meant
to be with.
Thanx Lisa for everything. You mean so much to me
and if this is what makes you happy than I have no other
choice than to grant your wishes. I really do hope there
is a place in your future for me, but you know me, I
need to move forward with my life.
"I'm scared..
not so much in taking a step forward.. but for not being
able to take a step back"
FRIENDSHIP LAND:
 This
is the unavoidable, nonnegotiable, inevitable place
that all people end up at in some point in their lives.
No matter how right or how perfect YOU think you are
IF you were together, the significant other does not
feel the same and often times does not see what you
want. So you stand there waiting in the shadows hoping
to get that one chance you need, that one moment to
prove that you are worthy of their attention. You sit
there and try to make them happy disregarding your own
feelings. You're afraid to tell them because you're
afraid to lose what you've worked so hard to gain.
There's only a few instances where people have successful
left Friendship Land. But often times, once you're there,
you're NEVER gonna get out. By the time they realize
what they could have had with you, you've moved on with
your life. They fail to realize that what they needed
was right there in front of their eyes. It's disheartening,
it's shameful, it's just wrong, but it happens.
I've spent my fair share in Friendship Land. Ever
since High School I promise myself that I would never
give second chances when it comes to relationships.
I just have this idea ingrained in my head that if you
let me go the first time, what are the possibilities
that they won't do it again a second or even third time.
But then again there's always a first for everything,
it's just I've never met anyone worth giving a second
chance to.
I've had girls want me back. And all I have to say
to them is... I haven't changed. I'm still the same
person as when you first left me. Maybe my status has
changed, but I'm still the same person.
|
