I was blogging before most of you knew what the internet was. I've had this site since 2000, accumulated millions of unique visitors, and even managed to make a living out of it. I can without a doubt say I control more than 200 million hits on the web with numerous websites under my control. But things just went downhill. I lost that fire inside me, that "drive" to succeed. I lost that little voice that I expressed to the world. For the longest time I just wanted to be average, I wanted so much to be lost in the crowd. And with that I took people's expectations and threw it all away.

It's sometimes scary to think that my fame, or infamy, transcended through the web and into real life. My handle was recognized in ways I didn't think it could, and I blame myself for putting myself out there. My life was out there for the world to see and I wanted otherwise. I thought I could separate the different aspects of my life but instead they all crashed together. After all that's been said and done I've finally come to this conclusion.

"There is no escape from destiny itself."

WHO I AM NOW...

I am 27 years old even though I don't come close to looking like it. I could easily pass for 21, maybe even 18, and yes I have gotten carded buying rated-R DVDs from Walmart. With that, upon first meeting me I know you won't expect much, and that's where you fail. Because once I'm in your head I'm there to stay. I'm mentally defensive and letting people close in is a mental risk not worth taking. I like to have the advantage in any situation I'm in, and even when I don't I'll make damn sure you believe it. I believe the smartest guy in the room is not the one with all the information, but the guy who knows who is and uses them to his advantage. My heart is refurbished: not really broke, but not really brand new either, doesn't need to get fixed so you stick it in the corner and hope everyone forgets about it. I can destroy you with my words and I'm too smart for my own good. As easily as I can make you... I can break you. Cross me and I will destroy you, disrespect my intelligence and I will have my way with you.

I know I sound morbidly psychotic, but the previous aforementioned is just a precursor to a life you might have an opportunity to experience. Believe me when I say there is good in me, although it may not be apparent immediately. My selectiveness is a defense mechanic I've implemented to protect not so much you, but myself. I believe I'm still the same person I was 5 or 10 years ago, just a little bit more cautious, a little bit wiser. I have an understanding of the real world I've learned to accept, even when its not to my favor. So here I am forging through...